Dear Diary: Gaara
by x-smith
Summary: my idea of what young Gaara's diary might have looked like at one time. set before the death of his uncle. i don't own!


**Dear Diary: Gaara**

I have lived my whole life in the sand village. I was born here, and I never been beyond the border, and yet I feel that I do not belong.

I have tried to explain how I feel to my uncle, who takes care of me, but it never quite comes out right and I don't think he really understands. I'm not sure if even I do. Everyone stares at me whenever I go outside. I try not to let it bother me, uncle says it's because of the sand, and that I should just ignore it, but it would be so much easier to ignore if it weren't happening at all. I wish it would stop.

I spend a lot of time playing by myself in the park because the other children won't come near me. My favourite place to play is on the swings where Teddy keeps me company. Teddy is my only friend and since he's a stuffed animal he doesn't talk much. I get very lonely sometimes. Near the swings is a clear area where people can play ball games, and I like to sit on the swing and listen to the children who come to play there. That way I can almost imagine myself playing with them, and pretend they are my friends. Maybe if I sit there long enough they will invite me to play too, and I won't have to be lonely anymore.

linelineline

I went to the park today to sit on my swing, and was surprised to see someone else already on it. She had shoulder-length brown hair and light green eyes similar to my own; she looked like she was having fun. When she noticed me watching her she jumped off the swing and ran down a back ally. I called after her but she was already gone. I don't know why they always run away – I never did anything to them, I just want them to be my friends.

I sat on the swing and clutched Teddy to me. I felt…strange. I still do, hours later. My chest feels heavy and my throat is tight. Salty drops of water (uncle tells me they are called tears) keep falling from my eyes and dribbling down my face. I wander if I might be feeling pain. I have seen other children cry when they are in pain. The sand will not let me get so much as a scratch; it even protects me from being sunburned. I don't know why the sand protects me – it doesn't protect anyone else, but if the sand is the reason everyone is so afraid then I don't want its protection – I want it t go away. I want to fall down, to scrape my knee, to bleed and feel physical pain just like everyone else, but this is the one thing the sand will not do. This is the only time it has ever resisted my will.

Linelineline

Uncle took me out today, we went to a big garden and I saw my 'siblings', Kankuro and Temari.

Kankuro was playing with a snake thing he said was a 'puppet', he tried to teach me how to use it but I couldn't get it to work. Uncle says not to wary about it, that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. I didn't understand. Kankuro explained that it didn't matter that I couldn't control the puppet - not everyone can – I could control the sand, something no one else could do. I think I like Kankuro, he smiled at me, and wasn't afraid like everyone else. He even let me try out his face-paints, this made Temari laugh. She says the paints are called 'make-up' and were usually used by girls. This made Kankuro angry, and they had a short fight. Temari won. She is a student at the local ninja academy, and Kankuro is due to start soon. Uncle says it will be a few years before I'm old enough to go too, and I can hardly wait – it sounds like fun.

About an hour before dinner my brother and sister had to go home. They live with our father, the Kazekage. I don't know why I don't live with them too, all uncle will say is that's what my father wants. I wish I could ask my father, but he never comes to visit me.

Uncle insisted I take off the face-paints before dinner tonight or I wouldn't get fed. I don't know why, I thought it looked good. I wander if Kankuro could get me some of my own?

I had fun today. I hope I see my siblings more often now, but Uncle says they're going to be busy with the academy and training. Oh well, its not like they will go anywhere, so they will be able to play with me again – maybe next time I will be able to use the puppet like Kankuro showed me.

And maybe…maybe my brother could be the friend I've been looking for.


End file.
